Dear Greedy Hollywood executive,

I am writing this letter in a fervent attempt to find out if the writer’s strike will be ending soon. You see, I used to watch television. I quite enjoy watching television on occasion. There are few things better than curling up on the sofa with popcorn and hot chocolate to watch a brand new episode of The Office or Burn Notice. However, due to recent events, there is literally nothing good on. Out of sheer desperation for something – anything – to watch, I noticed that MTV was running full seasons of America’s Next Top Model. Certain that there was something better on somewhere, thus began the long weeks of channel surfing. Growing weary of crap movies like Working Girl and Something to Talk About on TBS, I gave into the dark side and started watching a rerun of America’s Next Top Model. And then I watched another, and another until I watched the whole season. MTV is usually the last stop on my channel surfing journey (I cannot stand that crap reality shows the likes of Next and My Sweet Sixteen have replaced music videos. You should know that all children of the 80s hate you!), but it has now become the first place I go when I switch on the tube, hoping and praying that it will be on. I was actually late for work the other day because I had to see which frizzy-haired, gangly wannabe model the judges voted off next.

Before the writer’s strike, I had never even seen an entire episode – now I am a dedicated and involved fan. I barely recognize myself in the mirror! So help me, unless you do something soon, I cannot be held responsible for loss of IQ due to being forced to watch complete crap T.V.! DO NOT make me turn on the premiere of American Idol!!!

Sincerely,

Kelly